Just have a look here!

My reply to any of you who believe in astrology is this: The stars are far away, they’re made of gass, and they’re moving through space. Not always parallell with Earth either. Or, rather, seldomly parallell with Earth. So, they are not going to stay in one place, to make star signs for us to see for ever and ever here on Earth. Those huge balls of gas has nothing to do with how you are as a person, nor does the planets decide who you should date, or when to floss.

Sorry to have to say this to you, but horoscopes are made by two kinds of people. The first kind, and in my opinion the worst kind, are those who prey on people who want to believe they have no influence in their own life. They charge a lot of money for “personalized horoscopes”, and laugh all the way to the bank. The second kind, and in my opinion the saddest kind, are those who also believe in this, and draft horoscopes because they’ve “learned the ancient secrets” or some other bullshit.

When it comes to who you are, and what you should do, you could just as well look at the migrating birds, or how a banana fly flies. You see, it’s got nothing to do with it!

Remember to eat something before you start drinking.
You don’t have to drink it all, no matter what “they” say.
If she say “No!”, stop!
Be careful around fireworks!
Don’t fire your gun while drunk.
If it’s not fun, it’s not worth your time.
Stay safe!
Drink some water before going to bed.

“They” say that if you’ve done it before, it’s a traditon, and I think this might be one to follow!!

The guy with the weird name (I’ll call him Tim) that blew himself up in Stockholm the other day had several bombs with him. One in a backpack, one in his hands, and six pipe bombs around his waist. He intended to place them around town, blow them up, and off himself as the grand finale. Sorry Tim, you fucked up!

Only one of the pipe bombs went off; the one on his tummy. Nobody got killed, except Tim of course, and two people got hurt when he blew up his car. Massive misbombing! Seriously, next time try detonating them in the right order! Oh wait – you’re dead Tim. There is no next time for you… I hope you came to your heaven, and found 72 virgin boys, in their early teens, refusing even to speak with you, as you failed epicly!!

Stockholmers even tried to save Tim’s life after the bomb went off. Yeah, the very people he hated and wanted to kill tried to save him. Oh, the irony! His last moments, if he was concious, was spent lying on the ground, stomac all over the place, while his “enemies” did first aid, and comforting him. Tim, you must’ve felt really stupid!

Christmas sales in Stockholm has exploded this year!! Yeah, you knew I had to pull that joke.

We in Scandinavia aren’t used to suicide bombers, and when someone like Tim does his deed, we get frightened at first, but then we get angry. And guess what? Angry scandinavians turn racist! I hope you realize this Tim: Your actions set the integration of muslims in scandinavia back at least a decade, maybe more! Your bomb didn’t kill any of us, the native scandinavians, but mark my words; they might lead to the death of young muslims, by the hands of crazy, right wing, facist scandinavian racists.

Tim, you fucked up!

We do not take terror kindly. And, we will keep supporting our NATO allies in Iraq and Afghanistan, even thoug your plan blew up in you face! (pun intended!)

Tim, and all the wannabe suicide bombers, fuck you! The world is a better place without your fundamental bullshit!

And some of them try to joke about it, like the geezer at the super. What an ass! I went to buy one item, and was happy when I spotted a checkout with no line, because everybody else seemed to buy everything in stock. I set course for the empty isle, but less than two meters away, a man with a huge trolley cut me off with the words: “Hah, I made it!” and a silly, almost girly laugh at my face. Seriously, the geezer had more than a hundred different items! And he paid with change! And, because “he made it”, he refused to let me go first with my milk, or whatever. Important bloke, I’m sure…

Or the guy in the brand new Merc, chatting away on his phone, almost running me over at the zeebra crossing. The law clearly states that it’s illegal to use a phone while driving, AND to not stop for pedestrians trying to cross the street at the right place. I walked in front of his car anyway, so he had to hit the brakes, and drop his phone. Pompous bastard stuck his head out the window, starting to tell me off. I told him to get out of the car, and tell it to my face, but he just showed me his middle finger, and drove off. I was inces away from planting my boot in his door. I guess I should be grateful for missing though, or I would’ve had to stand before a judge. And lost.

Fuck it! We’re all as special and important as the next guy!

People often ask “What Would Jesus Do?”, and every time I wonder why they ask. Yes, I know about the morals and the teachings, but don’t you think it would be better to ask “Is this right?” or “Would I like it if sonebody did this to me?” instead?

You see, Jesus (as the historical man, not the man of the christian myth) lived 2000 years ago, when a lot of what we’re doing today wasn’t invented yet. Many of the social solutions we have today wad either just not done, or way into the future back then. Jesus wouldn’t know how to behave in a modern bar, nor would he know how to fix a computer. He would, if we believe the bible, sit down and chat with whores and beggars, but I never see any christians do that. He would throw the “money lenders” out from “his father’s house”, while today’s christians have VISA machines in their holy places.

I am quite sure that he wouldn’t let parents sit by a sick kid to pray, when there are doctors able to save the child. An estimated 12-14 children die each year in the US alone because their parents pray instead of bringing the child to the hospital.

I know what Jesus would do, if he was who the christians believe, and he came back today. He would sit down and cry. And he would’ve been angry at his “children”, who are the world leaders when it comes to double standards.

Good thing he’s just fictional.

Another train of thought. Why does it cost more to cut female hair than male hair? Yeah, you laugh, but seriously, it does. If a girl with long hair and I enter the salon at the same time (not going to happen, as I keep my hair short, and cut it with my own machine at home, but this is hypotetical) and both of us want the hairdresser to just trim the hair a bit, to get rid of split ends or whatever, you can be sure she has to pay more than me. For the same amount of work. Isn’t that weird? I know some countries (or saloons) have an hourly price, or quarterly or something, so if you sit there for 20 minutes, you pay for 20 minutes, thus me and the hypothetical girl pay the same thing. (Damn shame she’s hypothetical, because her hair looks really nice!)

Moving on: People complain a lot. Yeah, I know… it’s feeding the troll of double standards when I say that, because I too complain. But, people complain a lot. About shit! Like a few days ago, when someone at work kept nagging me about the price of fags. (That’s cigarettes, not gay men!) It’s too expensive. It’s ridiculously expensive. Nag, nag, nag! Then fucking quit already! Don’t bother me with it. Or the man from my last post. The one with the kid with the runny nose. I am sure he still complain about my girlfriend, and her way of “behaving”. She stated the obvious for crying out loud! No matter how you twist and turn, it is discusting to have to listen to someone sniffing their own snot, over and over again. Blow your nose, and you’re done for a while! But no, the father took offense, and I am sure he went home to complain to the mother, and then the next day at work he complained to his co-workers. What an ass!

Anyway, I’m cold, so I’ll go do something else. My fingers are freezing

Death comes to all

So really, why bother arguing over it? (Due to the format of my blog, you might have to right click and view picture…)

Oh, and go to www.viruscomix.com for more funny comix!

“Excuse me, could you blow your nose please? It’s not very nice having to listen to you.”

Father of child: “What? He’s got a cold!”

GF: “Well, then he has an even better reason for blowing his nose, right?”

FoC: “But he’s a child!”

GF: “True. But that doesn’t make it right, standing there grossing us out like that.”

FoC: “Maybe you should consider your behaviour” in a “listen now, young lady. You’re around important adults now” kind of voice.

GF: “Yes, I can do that. But the next time we meet, you have taught your child to blow his nose, so it will not be an issue.”

FoC: “How many children do you have?”

GF: “Do you know, I have no children!”

FoC in a triumphant voice: “Right, I guess that’s just as well!” thinking he had won the “discussion”

GF: “I totally agree! I am not interested in children, and shouldn’t have any at all!”

FoC: “Eh… um… it’s like… THAT!”

GF: “Whatever!”

You see, arguing with my girlfriend is like masturbating with a cheese grater. Slightly amusing, but mostly painful! I should know…